Moving slowly

The surgery is done.  I'm sore, as is to be expected.  I'm learning to take the pain pills the doctor prescribed.  I turned down some heavy narcotics in my IV in the recovery room.  Not a big fan of them.  Took some Aleve instead when I got back to my regular room.  That worked pretty well.  Now I have Tylenol 3 to take.  It's not as strong as the demerol or morphine I was offered earlier.  Just focusing on getting better so I can then focus on where life is again.  It'll probably be a few days. I can't wait to hold my girls again!  I miss the cuddles!  In the meantime...being waited on is kind of fun!

New Date to Add

June 26, 1982

June 26, 1995

June 26, 1998

August 28, 2000

October 20, 2000

June 22, 2002

June 26, 2003

July 8, 2006

March 14, 2007

August 25, 2009

April 29, 2010

A random list of dates, right?  Not to me.  These are life changing (or completely life beginning) dates.  There are significant birth dates, dates that are special to Matt and me, the dates when I found out about my pregnancies, and the birth dates of my girls included.  

Pretty soon I can add another date to the list: July 25, 2011.

And what is special about that date?

That is the date in which I have surgery.  Tubes will be tied, and endometrial ablation (uterine cauterization) will be done.

And I will no longer be able to bear children.  

Not that I want any more children, but this is a big step towards something unknown to me.  I’m voluntarily letting something of myself be taken away.   I never thought I’d let child bearing define part of me, but it does.  It’s really less than 1 percent of my thoughts that go to this subject.  I’m mostly happy about this decision.  No more periods.  Ever!  No more cramping, icky, painful, crud.  No more worrying about taking a pill every day to make sure I stay on schedule and to prevent any more children.  That’s a pill I’ve been on for 13 years! 

 

I will have to figure out what my “normal” is now.  My hormones have been altered by taking pills or being pregnant for so long I have no clue what normal is for me.  This is the part that scares me (besides the cuts to my abdomen).  I know what normal is for me right now.  It’s fine, and workable, and happy, for the most part.  What is to come?  

These questions can only be answered by going through the procedure and then taking things day by day.   I have good people around me to help out as needed, and many people excited for me as I embark on this portion of my life journey.  One person in particular surprised me: Matt’s coworker Rebecca.  She fought some kind of reproductive cancer and had to have a hysterectomy.  She’s happy and excited for me (I’ve heard, Matt talked to her, not me) to not have to deal with monthly cycles in the “prime of my life.”

It’s good to know there are people I can talk to about this and who are willing to drive Kirstin back and forth from Vacation Bible School.  It’s wonderful to know my parents will take care of the kids while Matt and I are gone for this surgery, and it’s even stupendous to know my husband is willing to take time off of work to drive me back and forth and take care of the girls while I recover enough to care for them myself. 

It’s a beautiful life!

Bustin' Out

In which the layered look goes wrong; and only Matt and my pastor knew about it.

Being Sunday, and being the pious individuals we are, we got up early and got ready for church.

I already had the girls’ clothes picked out and ready, and I found something for myself to wear as well.  I was doing a layered bit with a tank top underneath a green button down shirt.  My dilemma was whether to include a bra with the ensemble or not, as the tank top had a built in bra.  I decided for more support. 

This particular tank top has adjustable straps, but being well used no longer really stay adjusted.  And I have a fifteen month old monkey to wrangle.

And today was no exception for Emily.  She was all over, getting into everything, trying to crawl under pews, examining the contents of my purse, etc.  My poor tank top couldn’t keep up.  Literally.

Cue communion time.  When it was our turn, we told Kirstin to stay in the pew, and I carried Emily up front with me.   I placed her standing at the rail while I knelt behind her.  Pastor came with the wafers, he handed one to me, and I looked down.

Oh my!

Hello girls!  I shouldn’t be seeing you here.

I left the top button of my shirt unbuttoned to facilitate the layered look, and my tank top was below my breasts.  All that was there was cleavage and bra. Laughing silently (we’re pious, you know, no laughing during communion!), I moved the button down shirt slightly to cover up a little more, while being thankful I had Emily to cover up the rest of me while I was walking back to the pew.  Also being thankful I had included the bra with the outfit instead of relying on the built in bra in the tank top.  That would have been a whole lot more to show.

And of course, when I got back to the pew, I buttoned the top button of my shirt completely, and told Matt what happened.  He too laughed about it.  No one else but Pastor could have known because I had Emily in my arms and covering anything that was going on with my wardrobe.  It wasn’t until church was over that I was able to find a quiet moment to fix the tank top.  I’m thinking it’s about time to retire it if it can’t keep up to the activity. 

And of course I had to laugh about it to our friends, who understand completely the challenges of being properly dressed while wrangling kids.

So tired

I have a blog post I'd like to make, but every day it seems I'm so tired out and just can't get myself to sit down and write.  Hopefully one of these days soon I'll be able to get it done. 

I want to write about two letters of the alphabet that change so many words.  It's amazing what comes to me while I'm in bed waiting for my mind to wind down enough to sleep.  And for once, I remember most of the thought process.  If I kept a journal up there to write in, I'd never get sleep, otherwise I would.  

So why am I so tired?  Well, Kirstin has nightmares a lot lately.  That gets me a crying child running into my room late at night.  I get up, take the time to see if she can calm down enough to tell me what happened, get her a drink of water, and back to bed she goes.  Then Emily gets up during the night too.  I went from a full-night baby to one who wakes up screaming; usually between two and three in the morning.  She takes more time to calm down.  I've tried just laying her down in her crib again and rubbing her back or tummy, but that does no good.  If anything, her screams get louder.  I've tried just picking her up and holding her, swaying back and forth.  That does quiet her some, but when it comes time to go back in the crib, the screams start again and I get a stiff as a board baby who is clinging to me.  So, down the stairs we go to the rocking chair.  If rocking doesn't help, then it's to the kitchen for a cup of milk.  And now I fear I'm spoiling her and she expects that every time she wakes up at night. 

Last night I did change it up a little, and only gave her water, which seemed to work okay, and I also gave her a cup of milk right before bed.  Still woke up screaming, but then I didn't feel so bad about giving her just water.  Now today I noticed she was chewing on many things, including Kirstin's brand new flip flops.  So I took a look, and yup, we have more teeth coming.  These are eye teeth, so tonight after her cup of milk I gave her some medicine.  Here's hoping to a full night's sleep and a better blog post to come!